Cultivating Grace

Give Thanks

Awareness of the blessings of the universe inevitably leads to a sense of gratitude. But if your awareness leads you to think of only problems, then try focusing on one thing for which you are grateful. One of the simplest ways to experience grace is to reflect on what you are grateful for. To receive grace, give gratitude. To experience gratitude in a visceral way, try Vitamin G.

Here's an experiment you can try. Next time you are feeling blue, try gratitude. Remember what is good in your life. And if nothing seems good in your life, (and there will be days like this) then start by giving thanks for your next breath and the billions of oxygen molecules that are giving you energy. Then give thanks for your heart that transports this oxygen to energize your body.

"The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy." ~ Rev. Henri J. M. Nouwen, Catholic Priest.

"If the only prayer you ever say is 'thank you' that would suffice, ~ Meister Eckhart.

To be in grace is to be grateful. Take nothing for granted. "When you realize that nothing is lacking, the whole world belongs to you," ~ Lao Tzu. "Gratitude is the realization that we have everything that we need," MJ Ryan. "Celebrate what you want to see more of," ~ Tom Peters. Honor your elders, teachers and leaders. "If you haven't got all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don't have that you don't want, " ~ Anonymous. What secret gift lies in what troubles you? Saying grace gives grace, the state of loving, expanded, ecstatic, joyful, connected, transcendence. See the world through grateful-colored glasses. Gratitude is acknowledgment of interdependence. "The greatest gift one can give is thanksgiving," Brother David Steindl-Rast. Give grace to get grace. Gratitude gives you the Grace of God. "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated," ~ William James

Love Others: Act with Kindness

"I sought my God, my God I could not see;
I sought my soul, my soul eluded me
I sought my brother, and I found all three."
~ anon

The inevitable result of awareness of your blessings is the sense of overflow and the desire to share blessings. The secret to happiness is knowing and loving others. Friends are the emissaries of God. "Be with those who help your being," ~ Rumi. "The surest path to happiness is through compassion to other sentient beings," ~ Dalai Lama. "Love your neighbor as yourself," ~ Jesus. "Ours are the arms with which God hugs and holds her children," ~ Sue Thoele. God is love. Follow the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would like to be done unto. "Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them become what they are capable of being," ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. Ask others to be their best. "It’s harder to be kind than to be clever" ~ Jeff Bezos' Grandpa. "As you wish," ~ Princess Bride. Interdependence is fundamental law of nature. Open the roof. Celebrate communion. Pay it forward. "The true worth of a person is to be found in the colors an textures that come alive in others." To have a friend, be a friend. "Love and compassion is the universal religion," ~ Dalai Lama. No matter what the question, love is the answer. "Be compassionate as God is compassionate," ~ Luke 6:36. "Growth in compassion is the sign of growth in the life of spirit," ~ Marcus Borg. Social ties are the cheapest medicine we've got. "A true friend brings out the best, while knowing the worst," ~ Sue Thoele. The fruit of love is service, which is compassion in action. "Charity puts out sin as water puts out fire" - Islamic saying. Love: See, Hear, Hold. Showing others their worthiness is their greatest gift. "People may forget what you said or what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel," ~ Vivian

A boating metaphor is useful to understand how to flow with grace. Imagine life is a large river. As you travel down this river, you have a ship to travel with, tools to navigate with, a source of energy to move you and a crew. As you travel through life, your body is your ship, your mind is your navigation, your spirit is what catches the currents to move you, and your community is the crew that helps make the ride possible and more enjoyable.

The following practices are designed to help you care for your your boat, your navigation system, your ability to harness the currents. and your crew so that you most effectively "go with the flow". First you must learn to care for your ship (body). Then you must feed your mind and spirit. Then, with a healthy body, mind and spirit, you will be ready to do the most important work - caring for your "crew" who in turn care for you.

Care for Your Body

Your body is the temple of your spirit. To use a modern metaphor, your body is like an antennae that receives the signals of grace only when properly cared for. If working well, your ears, eyes, fingers, taste buds are like antennas that receive signals of beauty and of the blessings that make life not only possible, but beautiful as well. Humans are in the unique position on Earth to be able to detect something much larger than each of us. One of the most spectacular antennas ever created by humans is the Hubble Space Telescope. It can detect photons that have traveled nearly 13 billion years. Yet as incredible as this is, it pales when compared to the human brain that can integrate this information with other data to know that the universe is billions of years old or that our bodies contain trillions of cells that all work together to support our well-being. Furthermore, accumulated wisdom tells us that if you are kind to someone, that person may likely return the kindness.

Breathe - One of the simplest ways to clear your mind and be aware of grace is to breathe. Proper breathing is essential to yoga, and some yogis devote hours to this simple and effective practice.

Rest - If your body is tired, unfed, sick or out of balance, it will go into self-preservation mode. In this state, your mind shuts down neural pathways, except those needed for emergency survival. In this state, seeing a beautiful sunset will not help you escape an attacking tiger. This diversion of attention is beneficial to our survival in wilderness, although not very pleasant to experience. One common side effect of this this shutdown is feelings of paranoia in which every perception is colored with fear, preparing our tired selves for fight or flight. Oftentimes, a simple and effective way to reduce feelings of fear and anxiety that prevent you from experiencing grace, is to rest.

Move - Our brains evolved to coordinate movement. Only recently in evolutionary time have brains been adapted for planning and abstract thought. Although the function of our brains has expanded to include abstract thought, our need for movement to keep us happy has not changed. So to keep your brain happy, to keep you happy and healthy, you must move.

Dance your prayers - "There are shortcuts to happiness and dancing is one of them," ~ Vicki Baum. "To still the mind, move the body," ~ Gabriella Roth. Go outside and breathe the breath of God. "In Wilderness is the preservation of the world," ~ Henry David Thoreau. You cannot care for others until you care for yourself and your environment. Everyday renew your body, mind and spirit with good food, exercise and rest. "Sweat your prayers," ~ Gabriella Roth. Dance for Universal Peace. "Move into stillness," ~ Eric Schiffmann. Care for your environment by cleaning, decluttering, beautifying, and caring for your home, your neighborhood and the Earth. "Whatever befalls the Earth, befalls the children of the Earth." Keep the Sabbath holy. Be in GRACE: Grounded, Relaxed, Aware, Centered, Energized. A cluttered house is a cluttered mind. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Meditation in Motion. TranscenDance. Move into stillness. You are how you move. Dance: outer expression of inner spirit. Choreograph your own development. Improve the world one dance at a time. To live is to dance. If you stumble, make it part of the dance. Dance like no one's watching. Healthy hearts share more love. Rest. "Your body is like a snow globe: it glitters when moved," ~ Sue Thoele.

Eat Well - Lots of fresh fruits and veggies for antioxidants, vitamins, minerals and fiber, Proteins for sustained energy and stretch. Lots of water. Limit refined sugar to avoid a foggy brain. Some people can tolerate refined sugar, just as some can tolerate alcohol. And to others, these are toxic.

Care for your Mind

Seek Truth: Gather Knowledge

Spirit of Truth, lead me to Love;
Spirit of Love, lead me to Peace;
Spirit of Peace, lead me to Life,
Spirit of Life, lead me to Truth.
~ adapted from Pete Terpenning

"Truth shall set you free." Jesus (John 8:31). Doubt is the doorway to discovery. Study and learn to know your best path. Seek and you shall find. Only with knowledge can we know what others would like and what is best for us. "The great aim of education is not knowledge, but action," ~ Herbert Spencer. Learn from others, imagine for yourself. Reincarnate yourself by embodying the best of others: read their books, listen to their music, and view their art. Ask questions. Assume nothing. Take nothing personally. Know history to repeat the best of it. Explore. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. Magic is science not yet explained. Free your mind so the rest can follow. The proper study of humankind is humanity. Be aware. Be active, sympathetic, empathetic listener. Learn the other person’s point of view. Understand your emotions before you act upon them. Gnothi seaton. Know thyself to know others. "To you [who seek knowledge] has been given the secret of the kingdom of God," ~ Jesus (Mark 10:11). Knowledge is power. Perceive extraordinary in the ordinary. Mystery is science not yet explained. Metaphors are shadows of truth, not Truth itself. "Sometimes the hardest part of learning something new, is unlearning something old," Phil McGraw. "When you know better, you do better," ~ Phil McGraw. Epinoia=truth revealed. "Science and technology are the simplest ways to serve humanity," inventor of Google. "We shall not cease from exploration, And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time," ~T. S. Eliot. "Knowing thyself is the best way to know others," ~ Niles Eldredge. "Let us learn to dream and then perhaps we shall know the truth," Kekule, discoverer of benzene structure. "All good trips are, like love, about being carried out of yourself and deposited in the midst of terror and wonder," ~ Pico Iyer, in Why we Travel. "A good scientist is a good skeptic." Dr. Rob Roy Ramey. "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." While a whole truth will set you free, a half truth will imprison you. "To know good is to do it." The great aim of spirituality is not enlightenment, but kindness.

Laugh: Shift Happens

Perhaps the quickest path to grace is laughter, especially at yourself.

A smile is a frown turned upside down. "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people," ~ Victor Borge. Laughter shifts your perspective. "Blessed are those that can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused," ~ anon. Tragedy + Time = Comedy. Angels fly because they take themselves lightly. Awareness of self leads to laughter. Laughter is the best medicine. Laughter is the ability to see life with detachment. Be a master of jujitsu wit. Smile. "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun," ~ Katherine Hepburn. Music is laughter of the universe. Find something funny in your situation. Humor is seeing your fear carried to its illogical extreme. "Laughter is a psychological Drano that breaks up mental clogs, allowing your thoughts, feelings, intuitions and actions to flow freely." ~ Martha Beck. Laughter is social glue. To find humor in your situation, exaggerate the consequences to cosmic (comic) proportions. Embrace bad luck: it's material for comedy. "You can learn more about a man in an hour of play than in a year of conversation," ~ Plato. "I'm not suffering from insanity: I enjoy every minute of it," ~ T-shirt. "How do we measure success? To laugh often and much," ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson. Humor is the flip side of sadness. Humor is the yin of sadness' yang. "Life is too important to be taken seriously," ~ Oscar Wilde. "Life is a tragedy for those who feel, a comedy for those who think," La Bruyere. "Humor is the prelude to faith and laughter the beginning of prayer," ~ Reinhold Niebur.

Care for your Spirit

Your spirit animates you and gives you life. It is what feels joy or pain, grace or alienation. So to experience grace, you must care for your spirit.

Align with the Divine: Practice Faith

Go with the creative flow of the universe moving toward compassion. Go with the flow. Follow the Way (Tao). "Thy will be done," ~ Jesus. Ask the right question. Love God "the creative flow of the universe moving toward compassion" with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. "My religion is kindness". ~ Dalai Lama. "Lord, make me an instrument of thy Peace" ~ Prayer of St. Francis. Practice spiritual chiropractic - align your will with the will of God. "Use me, God. Show me how to take who I am, who I want to be, and what I can do, and use it for a purpose greater than myself," ~ Oprah. "The eye by which I see God is the very eye by which God sees me." ~Meister Eckhart. "Oh God, lead me from death to life . . . " ~ Upanishads. Faith is not something you have, it is something you practice. Faith is a verb. "i am through You so i," ~ e .e. cummings. Plug into the current of the Great Spirit. There is a loving wisdom greater than each of us, and we need to seek it out, to plug into it. Opposites coincide in God. God creates us we create God creates us we create God in a heaven-bound spiral. Experience the presence of God. Enjoy the precious present. Science teaches us how to know; religion teaches us how to love. Practice loving-knowing. "Let go and let God." "Be loving knowing" ~Ta Shu. To share serenity, be serene. To share love, be loving. To share God, be with God. The path is easier when you know your destination. "Life only has meaning if you impart meaning to it," ~ Patch Adams. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." "Take one step toward God and He takes 10,000 steps toward you, ~ Mohammed. "God and compassion are one and the same." ~ Mother Teresa. Practice yoga: yoke yourself to the will of the divine. "God is a verb" ~ Buckminster Fuller. Faith is a bridge crossing from despair to hope. "Faith may not change the facts, but it will change the way you relate to the facts." Faith is certainty of grace despite uncertainty of circumstance. "I am created in the image and likeness of God." "I am a child of God." Be still and know that I am God. Put up your antennae.

The Right Question

"What will make this even better?"Asking the right questions will lead you on a path of grace. Asking questions from a place of gratitude will bring more joy and abundance into your life.

Asking the wrong questions will separate you from grace. Asking "why did this bad thing happen to me" will result in a litany of reasons why bad things happened to you, but will rarely give you answers about what you truly desire. Asking questions whose answers attest to why bad things happen will serve to remind you of all the reasons why the bad stuff happens.

In contrast, the right question leads to more joy, abundance and gratitude. "What will make this even better?"

Divine Therapy - Explore the Dark Side

"The fire of suffering becomes the light of consciousness." ~ Eckhart Tolle.

CAUTION: Exploring the dark side is not the same as dwelling in this place. The goal is to visit these dark places so that we are liberated from dwelling in them.

An essential aspect of grace is coming to terms with your dark emotions. To come to terms with them, you must explore them. If you try to slap a happy face on a dark emotion that keeps coming up, you will be devoured by its darkness. To examine these hidden and dark emotions while in a safe and caring place is known by some as Divine Therapy.

"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." ~ Jesus, according to Gospel of Thomas.

Often, in the short term, it is appropriate, healthy and useful to repress some fear, anger and frustration. But if these emotions are repressed for too long, you will be held victim to them. To experience the fullest joy, instead of repressing your long-standing fears, angers, and frustrations, explore them. The more these dark emotions bother you, the more relief you will find in exploring them. The trick is to realize that the circumstance that triggers your emotion is not source of your emotion. You are the source of your emotion. If you are angry about something, do not assume that the thing your are angry about is wrong, or evil. This will perpetuate your dark emotions. Instead, those events to which you react are simply the products of previous events. And the curious thing is that although they may appear evil and dark, those events are necessary for light and joy to emerge. There is no light without darkness. And a study of the Epic of Evolution shows us that we may choose to align with a trajectory toward more love and light. The problems is when you get stuck on the path and think it shouldn't be the way it is. Everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be. Furthermore, you are the agent who is responsible for making things the way they could become. And the way to direct change is to understand change. "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

Pray and Meditate

Prayer and meditation convert knowledge into wisdom. "Everything we are is the result of what we have thought," ~ Dhammapada, Buddhist text. Prayer is talking to God; meditation is listening to God. "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Reframe. "What is the best story?" ~ Yann Martel. Practice mindfulness. Meditation is emotional alchemy. Remember your goodness. "It is by logic that we prove, but by intuition that we discover," ~ Henri Poincaré. Use wisdom to plot the best course of action. Plug into the Great Energy Force. Align your will with the Will of Enlightened Compassion (God). What is best for all concerned? Practice spiritual chiropractic. Thy Will be Done. Desiderata. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference," ~ Reinhold Niebuhr. Dream, hope, seek clarity. "I have a dream . . . " ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Prayer is to the soul what food is to the body. As you think, so you are. "In the beginning was the Word." Set your intent through prayer and meditation. Decide: Will this give me more power? Will this make me more loving? Prayer cannot change the facts, but it can change the way your relate to the facts. Remember good things about yourself. Communicate, integrate thoughts, beliefs feelings, memories. Make decisions as you would expect your child to make. Develop a strong spiritual center to prevent external forces from pulling you off balance. GUIDANCE = God U and I Dance. Go with the flow. "Once he knows his true worth, he can know the worth of others," Swami Muktananda. "Change your thoughts and you change your world," ~ Norman Vincent Peale. "Will this bring more love into the world?" Meditation = nonattached awareness of thoughts and emotions. Have faith. Is the universe a friendly place? "We forget to pray for the angels and the angels forget to pray for us," ~ Leonard Cohen. "To attain knowledge, add things every day. To attain wisdom, subtract things every day," ~ Lao Tsu. Think positively. Listen to intuition and then give reason to it. "Solitude is the furnace of transformation," ~ Henri Nouwen. Don't ask God to take away the problem, but rather ask for strength to deal with it. "Imagination is more important that knowledge," ~ Albert Einstein. "Dreamers are the saviors of the world" ~ James Allen. Awareness of suffering paradoxically releases one from suffering. Ask: where am I, where do I want to be, and how do I get there? ACT: Acceptance-Commitment Therapy. Play TAG: Truth, acceptance, gratitude. "Going sane feels just like going crazy," ~ Julia Cameron.

Be Courageous: Do your Best

"Courage is fear that has said it’s prayers." Success comes from perseverance, not perfection. Look to this day. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." Your character is of supreme worth. Make each day a masterpiece. "Having the courage to stand up and pursue your dreams will give you life’s greatest reward and life’s greatest adventure," ~ Oprah. "It isn't easy for anybody," ~ William Goldman. "Believe in yourself despite what others believe," ~ Whoopi Goldberg. "10% is what life brings to you. 90% is what you do about it," ~ Alice Crowe. "Think of adversity as a test for love and forgiveness," Hilary Rodham Clinton. Where are we? Where do we want to go? How do we get there? "To get to your impossible destination, you have to focus on only the immediate point in front of you; forget everything else surrounding that point and you will get where you’re going," ~ Carlos Castaneda. Be gentle with yourself - you can do no better than your best. Put on your ability suit. If you're not an example, you're a warning. Take a risk. The person who makes no mistakes is the person who makes nothing. "Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time," ~ Bertrand Russell. "Fatigue makes cowards of us all." Take responsibility for your actions. Be accountable. Confidence, keep your word, follow through, keep commitments. "Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it," ~ Goethe. "Little by little," ~ Mister Rogers. "I can do all things through God who strengthens me." Intention. Attitude is everything. Pretend confidence to realize confidence. Wounds are the doorway to consciousness.

Feel Joy: To Thine Own Self Be True. . .

From the expanded perspective provided by meditation, prayer, exploring the dark side and laughter, you will arrive at a place of joy. When you experience this kind of true grace, ,

". . . and it must follow as night follows day thou canst not be false to any man." ~ Shakespeare. "Desire, ask, believe, receive." "Eat, drink and bounce a baby on your knee," ~ Fly's philosophy professor. "The purpose of life is to be happy," ~Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama. The goal of life is to survive and pass along your genes, and this is best accomplished when you are happy and successful, which in turn comes from helping others. "Follow your bliss," ~Joseph Campbell. Individual happiness contributes to the improvement of all humanity. An empty well gives no water. Ironically, "the search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness." "Self realization is the greatest gift to mankind," ~ attributed to Buddha. "The moment we are one with ourselves, we are one with all others," ~ Brother David Steindl-Rast. If you wish to be selfishly happy, be altruistic. Mystical experience has value in the amount it helps others. "Don't find yourself, create yourself." Charity begins at home. "Peace of mind is worth any chore," ~ Mary Black. Follow your North Star." God lies at the intersection of your joy and another's need.

Care for your Community

Cultivate Friendship

“Ours are the arms with which God hugs and holds her children.” ~ Sue Thoele

Of all the paths to grace, perhaps no other is as consistently effective as the path of friendship. A friend is the one who sees your divinity despite your doubts. A friend is the person who sees your magnificence despite the momentary glitch in your life. A true friend sees that you are a child of God when you feel like you are the stooge of the devil. A good friend gives you a glimpse of God, the creative and loving spirit of the universe. A good friend reminds you that love is the essential nature of being.

A good friend can be more healing than the most competent of therapists. A good friend can be more nurturing than the best of parents.  A good friend can be more loving than the most romantic partner.

The goal of psychotherapy is to remove the psychic blocks that impede your awareness.  A good friend can do this. Through a good friend, you may be healed of the delusional thoughts that imprisoned your soul. A good friend will liberate you from doubts about your value.

Parents want the best for their children, but often don’t know how to give the best.  Friends can at times act as surrogate parents, nurturing you to grow into your full potential.

Romantic partners may want the best for you, but their desire to help is at times clouded by need to receive. A friend is a person who values you, who cares for you, who loves you, no matter what is going on.

 A good friend accepts you for who you are and who you aspire to be and loves you, unconditionally.

A friend helps you feel so connected to yourself, to your community and to the divine, that paradoxically, you no longer need a friend but instead you become a friend.

As social animals, we humans need meaningful social contact. We need friends. Friends are not a luxury; they are a necessity. Studies demonstrate the physiology of human contact. For example, when people are in nurturing human environments, levels of oxytocin goes up (which in turn induces a feeling of well-being) and stress levels go down. Without this contact, humans, like many other mammals, suffer.

 In the U.S. and other industrialized nations, people suffer terribly from isolation and lack of friendship. Many people think they are depressed when really they are starved for friendship. To fill this aching need, people fill up on pills, bigger and more isolating houses and cars, toys and endless distractions. And ironically, the more pills and stuff a person consumes, the less likely they are to seek friendship.

Lack of friendship is not talked about because it is too painful. How many people would rather admit that they are drug addicts, victims of rape, broke, or depressed, rather than admit that they have no real friends?

As children, it is easy to make friends. In societies that are relatively immobile, friendships grow and develop naturally. In mobile societies (such as that of the US) old friends are left behind, and it is often a challenge to make new friends.

For some people, one of the scariest challenges in life is to make a friend. Making a friend is creating a relationship based on truth. Finding a friend is often more challenging than finding a lover, because the potential of rejection is so much harsher. With romance, rejection may be attributed simply to the rejection of an imperfect body part. In seeking friendship, rejection may feel like the rejection of your soul.

Sometimes the first step in creating a friend may be the realization that you have acquaintances who know your facade, but no friends who know your soul.

The second step to gaining a friend is listening to the other person's truth, to what it is about them that makes them come alive.

The third step is revealing your truth, what makes you come alive. This may be the most challenging part, because at this revealing moment you are vulnerable to ridicule, rejection and what may feel like the obliteration of your entire spiritual being.

Paradoxically, even as grace grows out of friendship, grace does not depend on friendship. The moment you depend on a friend is the moment grace is lost. Instead, grace thrives in giving to a friendship, not in the taking.  

An extraordinary magic begins when you risk your soul and create a friend. Once you create one friend, it's easy to create many other friends.

And when you have experienced one true friend, you know what love is, and from this knowledge you may begin to love others and act with compassion.

Love Others: Be Compassionate

The secret to happiness is knowing and loving others. Friends are the emissaries of God. "Be with those who help your being," ~ Rumi. "The surest path to happiness is through compassion to other sentient beings," ~ Dalai Lama. "Love your neighbor as yourself," ~ Jesus. "Ours are the arms with which God hugs and holds her children," ~ Sue Thoele. God is love. Follow the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would like to be done unto. "Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them become what they are capable of being," ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. Ask others to be their best. "It’s harder to be kind than to be clever" ~ Jeff Bezos' Grandpa. "As you wish," ~ Princess Bride. Interdependence is fundamental law of nature. Open the roof. Celebrate communion. Pay it forward. "The true worth of a person is to be found in the colors an textures that come alive in others." To have a friend, be a friend. "Love and compassion is the universal religion," ~ Dalai Lama. No matter what the question, love is the answer. "Be compassionate as God is compassionate," ~ Luke 6:36. "Growth in compassion is the sign of growth in the life of spirit," ~ Marcus Borg. Social ties are the cheapest medicine we've got. "A true friend brings out the best, while knowing the worst," ~ Sue Thoele. The fruit of love is service, which is compassion in action. "Charity puts out sin as water puts out fire" - Islamic saying. Love: See, Hear, Hold. Showing others their worthiness is their greatest gift. "People may forget what you said or what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel," ~ Vivian

Communicate

Communication is the basis of all relationship. Because harmonious relationships with self, others and the creative flow of the universe lies at the heart of grace, effective communication is essential for grace.

Communicate to know the hearts and minds of others to best help them. Effective communication is nine parts listening, one part talking. "Silence sometimes speaks more than words." Try to see the others point of view. "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." Simplify the message. "If you can't explain it to your grandmother, then you probably don't understand it yourself," ~ Albert Einstein. "Speak assuming good faith from those who disagree with you." ~ Peggy Noonan. "Your voice is your power," ~ Oprah. Rules of conversation: pay attention, show respect, be kind, have fun. Make eye contact. "Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve upon the silence?" ~ Shirdi Sai Baba, Indian Sage. "'I hear you' -- the most important words we can hear," ~ Oprah. People's willingness to listen goes down after 1st criticism. Tell stories. Speak kindly to yourself. Write thank you letters. "Ask and ye shall receive. Give and ye shall receive priority." How may I help? "The pen is mightier than the sword. "You must understand someone's views before you can change those views." The seed falls on beaten path, rocky soil, weedy soil or fertile soil. A good teacher's student will exceed the teacher. Three gatekeepers of the tongue: is it true, is it kind, is it necessary? Students retain: 10% of what they read, 20% of what they hear, 30% of what they see, 50% of what they see and hear, 70% of what they say, 90% of what they do. "Listen, or thy tongue will keep thee deaf," ~ American Indian Proverb. Don't talk unless you improve the silence.

Harmoniously Resolve Conflict

Conflict is inevitable, suffering is optional. To avoid suffering, learn compassionate communication to help resolve conflict with another person.

"If you want peace, work for justice.""Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength," ~ Sigmund Freud. "It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness." "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly," ~anon. "Fight the worst with the best," ~ Wendell Barry. "Conflict is necessary for all life," ~ Terry Dobson and Victor Miller. The compassionate warrior protects her opponent. Seek win win. "Have a soft heart and a hard ass." ~ Martha Beck. If you don't experience conflict, you're not alive. Harmonious resolution of conflict = shalom. "Understanding the problem is half the solution." ~ Mom. In times of peace, prepare for war. Eliminate enemies by converting them to friends. "Go placidly amid the noise and haste ..." People learn from their own decisions. "You can do anything you want, provided it doesn't cause a problem for others." Seek forgiveness as you forgive others. Put insults into a mental wastebasket. Israel means struggle with God. People's greatest fear is rejection and alienation. Alienation is modern term for sin. When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. Pain is a messenger. Understand human nature. If you try to please everyone, you will lose your ass. Pray to God, but tie up your camel. Experiencing life is like giving birth: painful but worthwhile. Misery loves company. "To prevent questions from weighing us down, we must raise them up." Be at peace not knowing all the answers. "To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it," ~ Confucius. "Every exit is an entry somewhere else," ~ Tom Stoppard. "When God closes a door, He always opens a window," ~ Mother Superior in Sound of Music. Honor your top priorities: If its not an absolute yes, then it's a no," Cheryl Richardson. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." ~ Martin Luther. You will know God always when you are as grateful for pain as you are for joy. Confession cleanses the soul.

Care for Your Resources

To thrive in grace, you must sustain that which sustains you: your livelihood, your community and your resources.

Work

"Discover your divinity, find your unique talent, serve humanity with it," ~ Deepak Chopra.

"Work is love made visible," ~ Khalil Gibran. In service there is true life. Focus on what you do rather than how you feel. "To work for the common good is the highest creed," ~ Albert Schweitzer. The most highly paid* work gives most service to others. (*Payment may be spiritual or material.) Honor your calling. Find your passion. Dignity of labor. Doing good and remembering what you did are ingredients of success. Live for today, but prepare for the future. "We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us," ~ Marianne Williamson. Focus. Channel what you love to do into what others will love. "Every calling is great when greatly pursued," ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes. To have abundance, help others be abundant. "The purpose of life is a life of purpose." "Use me, God. Show me how to take who I am, who I want to be, and what I can do, and use it for a purpose greater than myself," ~ prayer quoted by Oprah. "Trust in God as if everything depends on him, but work as if everything depends on you," ~ Ignacious of Loyola, founder of Jesuits. Faith without works is dead. "Get up off your knowledge, ~ "Phil McGraw. "We make a living by what we get but we make a life by what we give," ~Winston Churchill. Patient persistence provides pleasurable progress. Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. Figure out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for it. "I'll fix that." ~ Sam in Holes. Creativity is your medicine. The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.